Try, try again

The past few weeks have been really frustrating, like a music piece you just cannot seem to play because of a certain note or chord. In the end, you scream at the music sheet and point at those dots saying, "DIE!". Or at least, that is how I feel. Why? Simply put, I feel pathetic.

Through the weeks, I learnt many things about life. I learnt what is it like to be stuck in a vicious working cycle. I learnt what you decide can have immense consequences. I even learnt that I am Ted Mosby type boring! But do you know what frustrates me? It's the knowledge of God's love for me. After I came back from bible school recently, my spiritual discipline has been a ship lost at sea, tossed about by the rough waves. Yet God has not stopped showing me the way back to the right path. I am frustrated that God can love me for some of the things I have done, yet frustrated that i could not have done better for Him. I keep trying to hit the right chord everytime and I disappoint myself all the same. Somehow though, God is not even half as frustrated as i am. He seems to just give me a hug and say, "...try try again. The very fact you're trying shows I am with you and that you do love me and I love you". I cannot fully explain the peace that follows only perhaps give you feel of it. It's like a shower in the rain after the immense heat wave, refreshing. It is invigorating.

Philippians 3:13-14
Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But 1 thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Try, try, again.